In about 15 days I'll turn 37. Distant seem the days when I would burn the candle at both ends. The bottom of a beer mug was all to familiar. I remember being 10 or 11 years old in Corpus. Going home from elementary with my cello on the bus. Then high school driving my Dad's 1981, lima bean green Buick Electra. That car was built like a tank.

I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I bring up age because of the passing of someone I only met almost a year ago. His name was Joe, a 93 year old man who's greatest passion, it seemed to me, was eating. The times I'd see him, he always had himself a two-piece & a biscuit. He talked about his meals very fondly. He was a kind man, I thought. We had a few conversations here and there at birthday parties or at his home. I should explain that Joe was the companion of a close friend. I would rather not say much more about her, but that. Moving on.

I didn't know Joe like I would have liked. But everyone always spoke and thought well of him. One afternoon, I was told something about Joe that just blew me away. Apparently, Joe was in WWII. Landed in Normandy. Without a weapon. When deployed to Omaha beach, his superiors informed him that he would not be given a weapon, but instead, he would collect it from the beachhead from any one of the dead soldiers that came before him. He was a radio operator and a Sergeant. And he went undercover in a German concentration camp that also held American prisoners. I'm actually in the process right now of trying to look him up on the Web.

You would never tell it from looking at him. You'd never know Joe was a war hero. And I say that not trying to be patronizing or with any hint of cynicism. He had two children; a boy & a girl. He'd been married before he met my friend. And I thought it was something that he learned to square dance so he could dance with my friend. There's a ton I don't know about him, but that I'm looking forward to finding out.

Joe was born in 1916. Monet painted 'Water Lilies' that year. Paris is bombed by the Germans in The Great War, World War I. The Chicago Cubs played their first game at was is now Wrigley Field (it was called Weeghman Park then). The Saturday Evening Post published its first Normal Rockwell cover. And President Woodrow Wilson sent some 12,000 U.S. troops to the Mexican border to chase down Pancho Villa. We should all be so lucky as to live 93 years. I'd trade any fame or fortune for that kind of time.

And this brings me back to 37. I think I was a little bit bitter a day ago when I Tweeted in anger. I was pissed because the Express-News had cut me and the subsequent loss of income has put me in a corner several times since. Hey, I'm still angry about that, but with Joe's passing, it kind of put things into perspective for me.

After a year in exile from my own home, I've returned. New furniture and fresh paint have turned the house around. And much like the house, Denna has turned my life around. And while I still don't have a job, I have my health. I have Denna & Thomas in my life and that makes me so happy. I'm making movies. I'm living my life the way I was supposed to. And even though I'll be 37, I'm doing pretty well.

Joe was lucky to live through Omaha beach to make it to the ripe old age of 93. I think he enjoyed his food so much because every day after the war was a gift. And in his senior years he learned to love life and everything it had to offer. Especially a two-piece and a biscuit.

-30-

Earlier today, I was at McDonald's getting some fries when I took a minute to prefold my parking money.

You know how those things are. If you don't pay for a monthly pass, you gotta slide your money into those coin-width slots on that metallic parking lot piggy bank. I'm OCD on some things. I always check the number on my space at least three times before I go to the appropriate slot on the bingo board. And to be sure the attendant or the security guard knows I paid, I leave the little, flat push bar thing that helps you shove your money all the way in stuck in the slot of my space.

Anyhow, back to McDonald's. I waited at the counter for them to bring up a new batch of fries. I carefully folded my money into a half. Then I folded that half. And then I folded the 3rd half. As I did this, an older guy- white beard, white hair, wearing a hat -laughed.

OLD GUY: You're as nit-picky as me.

He laughed again and I stopped folding my dollar bill.

ME: I wonder what that says about me.
OLD GUY: Nothing. You're just a young nit-picky.

For a few months, nay, years, I've been feeling the persistence of time. Each year just affirms what I've been trying to avoid. The long shadows are setting in and one day, in 10 or 15 years, I'll be avoiding all those things I've often found myself running headlong into.

Take booze for example. Fred, my long standing drinking buddy, and I have noticed that a six pack doesn't sit as well with us as it use to. We've always been the kind to pace ourselves. Speed drinking is for rookies and people who enjoy the taste of puke. And while I never condone mixing, I often like to sneak a martini or a tequila shot with a bunch of beer. A couple of girls at a bar in Arkansas I use to drink at tried go gig me one night with two Irish car bombs, a cement mixer, some shot that tasted like branches off a Christmas tree and some cinnamon schnapps. I'd already had a few shots of tequila and I was drinking beer the whole time. I woke up that morning feeling like a million bucks. And that was just a few years ago.

Not now. I mix and I pay the next morning.

I find myself telling Terrance, my youngest, things like "When I was your age..." What the Hell is that? I'm turning into my Dad. I see those kids with the baggy pants or the emo haircuts and I'm suddenly Abe Vigoda: "You crazy kids need to keep it down over there! Young whipper snappers." I've started dispensing that mumbling criticism of things I can't understand. "I don't know where they get that mumble mumble mumble mumble..." All I need is a cane to shake defiantly in the air when I'm being a crotchety bastard.

The irony of it is that I still like some of the music that's coming out these days. I don't care for the fashion; I've never been that kind of guy. The stuff I wear now is the stuff I wore as a younger guy. I like some TV shows they spin these days and I'm into some of the films they produce.

And I'm not old. I'm fucking 35. I'm still old enough to know, but young enough to ignore and claim total ignorance. Or maybe I'm not and I have to face that facts that if I don't start to act like a real grown up, I may continue to feel this way.

What's worse is when I think about that last statement, does that mean that I've become one of those guys I hate that refuses to get with his responsibilities and thinks that if you're not a rebel by 18 you've got no heart, but if you've not sold out to the man by 30 you've got no brains?

I always thought of myself as a child, in some respects. A child in the way that I always want to learn and invent and explore and create. A child, at heart, they say. But what's that line from 1 Corinthians 13:11...

"When I was a child I spoke as a child I understood as a child I thought as a child; but when I became a man I put away childish things."

My body is getting older. I am a married man with to teenage sons. I have a mortgage. I have bills. I have a job. I am not a child. I know this. But sometimes I feel like that's a sensibility that has always kept me thinking from a fresher stand point. But I think it's also a sensibility that spurs selfishness.

I looked at that old man today and I felt insulted. I'm not old. I'm not old. But in the morning, when my knees make that popping sound as I climb out of bed and I've got a hangover from the EIGHT BEERS that I had the night before, I have to wonder.

I stare at the toys on my desk. The pictures of my wife and my kids. I wonder, what's in store for me next?

-30-