Just Breathe

I've been in a weird place for the last few years. My confidence levels have been erratic, at best, and I honestly haven't felt much like my old, confident self.

Making movies helps in that respect. Its a world where I feel I have the most control. Despite scheduling conflicts, weather woes or technical difficulties, I still feel the most in control.

For those that know me, I can be quite...animated, when I'm fired up. My wife call it "dramatic". I think its me being a Mexican.

But at work, its different. At least at my current job. I've been quiet. Very quiet. The quietest I've ever been. Office politics are a strange beast and in my new work environment, they don't lend themselves well to some of my thinking. I have a big mouth and its likely to get me in trouble.

There are people here who speak their mind. To a point. They'll say what needs to be said and be bold. To a point. I think most have the same feeling about it that I do. You can't be too vocal or someone will get their feelings hurt.

Wait, I work in a newspaper. I'm a journalist. Journalists get their feelings hurt? What the fuck is that about? When did this fucking business start getting a bruised ego?

I've held my tongue a lot since I've started to work at my current job. I've held back a lot. Its tested my level of patience and of will. I don't think anyone is ready to hear what I really have to say. So I'm trying to figure out a way to do it without pissing too many people off. Or hurting feelings. Ugh.

The prevailing ethic around my job is to complain about you indirectly. Or complain about you to anyone else but you. If there's anything that just pisses me right the fuck off is that. If you have a fucking problem with me, just tell me. How does that help me? And wouldn't you rather hear it from the source. My supervisor for the section I work for two days a week informed me that several people have been "concerned" about how I handle the pages I design. Who? Who the fuck are these people and why didn't they express their concerns to me?

Biting tongue. I'm biting my tongue. I need to find a constructive, nice way to handle this. My response, right now, is to growl and bite. That's my warning.

Patience really is a virtue.

-30-

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Growl and bite, fine sir. I like you being Mexican.

Who the hell's "concerned" about your pages? Screw 'em.

 
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